The beauty of life is LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS, FOOD, SLEEP, MOTHER NATURE. When you feel fulfilled as a person you can enjoy the above properly, without it being MISSED, or OVERSHADOWED, by STRESS. You will feel GRATITUDE on a daily basis, and realise how truly blessed you really are.
Fulfilment is key element of ZEN, to feel fulfilled as a person you must be able to sustain your life in a fulfilling way, it is so simple, but very hard, and that is why many are stressed, and unfulfilled. To fight for fullfilment takes courage, change, uncertainty, and unless you are born into zen it is ultimately upsetting, as boats have to be rocked, worlds need to be turned upside down, and this is what is so hard and why so many people stay 'safe' and 'pleasing' and ultimately soul destroyed.
Firstly you need to build your own confidence, understand that you are responsible for your own future and that it is up to you to create the person that you want to be, practice self love, this is not vanity this is simply looking at yourself from the outside, and love yourself enough to remove yourself from toxic situations, do not let people hurt you, make you feel worthless, treat you badly, if the thought of going to work makes you want to cry, either be courageous and tackle it or make a positive plan to change direction. Do not be afraid, as long as you can keep the roof over your head and food in your family you are doing really well. Do not be afraid to lose material matters for a period of time, believe me being happy, and I do not mean smiley face happy I mean fulfilled heart happy, is worth much much more than a take out, media subscriptions, clothes or any material luxury.
Stop buying the lottery. You cannot wait for a bail out, this will stop you from taking control of your life, and if you are desperate you will create a rollercoaster of emotions on a weekly basis. Instead tackle debt and material belongings head on.